Avoiding Conflict? You're Making it Worse

A survey of 30,000 employees found that 28% of respondents have left their jobs due to an interpersonal conflict.

I’m one of them.

I once loved my job. But a growing conflict with a colleague changed that.

At first, there were just minor disagreements. But over time, those small cracks deepened.

Instead of addressing our differences together, we avoided difficult conversations. We tiptoed around each other, exchanged polite but fake smiles, and let our frustrations simmer.

Eventually, we decided to try to address it by separately venting to our manager.

Our work suffered. Trust eroded. Eventually, I disengaged.

When a new opportunity came along, I took it.

Looking back, I realize it didn’t have to end that way.

Why do we avoid conflict?

Conflict is part of the human experience. Different personalities, priorities, and work styles will always exist. And that’s a good thing. If we all agreed all the time, work (and life) would be boring.

Some of the best ideas, strongest teams, and most meaningful relationships are built through disagreements.

But we avoid conflict because it’s uncomfortable. We fear awkwardness, tension, or damaged relationships.

Ironically, avoiding conflict usually does more damage than addressing it.

It can be the difference between thriving in your role or quietly disengaging as I did.

So, how can you handle interpersonal conflict productively?

A Better Way to Handle Conflict: The PIN Model

Most workplace conflicts stay at the surface level, where people dig in their heels. But resolution happens when you go deeper—past positions and into shared interests and needs.

How The PIN Model Works:

• Position (P): What someone says they want. Often framed as an ultimatum:

  • “I won’t take that project.”

  • “We have to do it my way.”

• Interests (I): The real “why” behind the position. These are the underlying concerns, motivations driving someone’s stance.

  • Example: Someone refusing to take on a project may be overwhelmed or want to focus on different types of work.

• Needs (N): The core, non-negotiable drivers of the conflict. Needs differ from interests and tie into psychological drivers like status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness, and fairness (SCARF). If unmet, the conflict doesn’t truly resolve.

  • Example: Taking on an additional project feels unfair because they are paid less than their peers.

Moving past positions and to interests and needs requires turning conflict into collaboration.

5 Steps to Turning Conflict Into Collaboration