Should You Care What Others Think About You?

Should you care about what others think about you at work?

Of course, right? Especially decision-makers and key stakeholders. Relationships matter.

But you can’t care too much…

The more senior you are, the more likely the tough decisions fall to you.

And as you take on more decision-making power, caring too much about what others think can lead to problems.

You may:

• Avoid difficult conversations.

• Hold back from making an unpopular decision.

• Grow too close with coworkers, blurring professional boundaries.

So, should you care about what others think about you?

I’ve Always Wanted to Be Liked, and It’s Backfired

When I first became a manager, I inherited Shannon (name changed for confidentiality), who struggled to meet expectations.

I knew her performance wasn’t strong, but I didn’t want to address it directly. I didn’t want her to hate me.

The team struggled. Others started to assume Shannon’s performance level was the standard. I hoped things would resolve themselves.

Eventually, my manager intervened. My avoidance wasn’t just hurting the team—it was hurting my credibility as a leader.

By the time I finally acted, it was too late. Shannon was blindsided.

The termination completely blindsided her.

We haven’t spoken since.

The Answer Isn’t Yes or No

A few weeks ago, I asked my LinkedIn network: How do you stop caring what others think of you at work?

I got thought-provoking responses. Some said focus on your work and ignore the noise. Others said perception is part of leadership and you need to care about the right things:

As I reflected on the responses and started thinking about this question deeper, it clicked:

Caring about what others think depends on whether you are chasing approval or respect.

Approval vs. Respect: What’s the Difference?

Approval may feel good, but respect is what propels your career and your impact forward.

Seeking approval is about short-term validation. You want people to like you, agree with you, or react positively. You do things that create harmony.

When you seek approval, you:

• Avoid giving difficult feedback to keep someone happy

• Sugarcoat a tough message to make things seem better than they are.

• Hold your opinion back to avoid rocking the boat.

• Avoid fixing a known problem to avoid stepping on a coworker’s toes.

In the short run, this can make you feel great. But in the long run, it can undermine your professional brand, make you seem indecisive, and hold you back from growing your career.

Seeking respect is about long-term credibility. You make decisions that people might not like immediately but will appreciate over time. You do things that contribute real value.

When you seek respect, you:

• Make a bold call that’s right for the business even if some people disagree.

• Speak up in meetings not to be liked, but to add value.

• Set boundaries with your time, even if it means letting someone down.

• Sprint towards fixing a problem to avoid it from becoming even bigger.

This doesn’t mean being indifferent to people’s feelings. It means playing the long game.

Some of the most respected people I’ve worked with weren’t always the most liked in the moment. But I respect the heck out of them today. They made everything they touched better because they weren’t afraid.

Approval may feel good in a professional setting, but respect is what propels your career and your impact forward.

A Lesson Learned

I handled my first termination terribly. At the risk of preserving short-term approval, I lost respect from my team and Shannon.

Since then, I’ve learned to speak the truth, even if it hurts, and make the right but difficult decision, even if unpopular.

As John Kennedy once said, “the easy decisions are usually the wrong ones”.

Has it led to tears? Short-term anger? Disappointment? Absolutely.

But it has also led to long-term respect. People I’ve had to terminate have told me they respect me for being clear and making a quick decision.

A Simple Question to Ask Yourself

Next time you find yourself worrying about what people think, pause and ask:

Am I trying to be liked, or am I trying to be respected?

• If your decision is based on fear of disappointing someone, you’re probably chasing approval.

• If your decision is based on what’s right and necessary to achieve your goals, you’re building respect.

Respect doesn’t always come with applause. But in the long run, it’s what makes people trust, follow, and remember you.

Until Next Time,

Winston

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