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Most people think influence comes from what you say. But often, it comes from what you ask.

If you can’t influence people, your ideas go nowhere, your projects stall, and your career slows down. That’s why influence matters.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about storytelling as a key influencing skill.

Storytelling is a push technique. You do all the talking.

Today, I want to explore a pull technique: question-led influencing.

The Power Of Questions

I once had a manager who rarely gave advice. Instead, she would ask things like, “What’s the risk if you don’t act on this?” and “What’s stopping you from trying?” Before I knew it, I had talked myself into the right decision.

That’s the power of a great question.

Asking questions is a great way to influence others because:

• Questions make you more likable. Research shows that people who ask more questions are better liked. And according to the liking principle, we are more likely to be influenced by people we like.

• Questions rewire thinking. The right question sparks neuroplasticity, helping people see new possibilities they wouldn’t have considered.

• Questions activate the brain. When you ask a question instead of giving an answer, it activates new pathways, releasing serotonin, leading to deeper insights.

Can you influence by listening more than talking?

Most people think they’re good listeners. But the moment they need buy-in, they default to explaining. That’s why they struggle to influence.

Influencing through questions helps you get through to stakeholders when they:

• They have a preconceived answer. No amount of logic will change their mind.

• You don’t have any authority over them. Influence without authority requires engagement, not directives.

• They feel attacked. The moment they get defensive, they stop listening.

• They don’t like being told what to do. If they sense control, they push back harder.

These are the moments that require a pull instead of a push.

I learned this lesson the hard way.

Early in my career, I lost an opportunity because I didn’t know how to ask the right questions.

I was leading a project and had a strong vision for its direction. I spent weeks putting together the perfect plan, and when I finally presented it, I expected excitement.

Instead, I got polite nods and…nothing. As I sat there, my stomach sank. I had spent weeks building the perfect plan only to realize that no one felt invested in it. It wasn’t that they disagreed. They just didn’t care enough. 

Later, I found out why. The team didn’t feel ownership in the idea because they weren’t part of shaping it. I was too busy explaining when I should have been asking.

That’s when I learned that influence isn’t about making the best case. It’s about making people feel invested in the outcome.

That’s what makes question-led influencing so powerful.

How to Ask Questions That Influence

Let’s say you are a Senior Manager of Finance trying to pitch a new procurement process to a group of leaders. What are some of the best tactics to incorporate question-led influencing?

Know When to Use Open vs. Close-Ended Questions

Question-led influencing aims to open someone’s perspective through the right questions.

Start with open-ended questions (ones that can’t be answered with yes or no) to encourage deeper thinking.

That said, closed-ended questions are helpful later in the conversation when moving toward a commitment.

Actively Listen and Ask for Follow-Ups

If you aren’t genuinely listening, questioning can backfire.

We’ve all been in conversations where someone asks a question but isn’t listening. They’re just waiting for their turn to talk. It’s obvious, and it kills trust.

To influence through questions, you need to make people feel heard. Two ways to demonstrate you’re listening are:

Paraphrase to confirm understanding.

Ask follow-ups to push their thinking.

Paraphrasing builds trust. Follow-ups go deeper. Together, they make your questions more effective and help you generate trust, rewire thinking, and activate the brain.

Ask One Question At a Time

Whether you are:

• Thinking out loud

• Rushing to get information

• Trying to give someone options

• Avoiding silence

You may find yourself asking multiple questions at once. The problem? It doesn’t give the other person time to process and respond thoughtfully.

To fully benefit from question-led influencing, you need to let people work through their own conclusions. If you know me, this is definitely something I need to work on!

Some common ways this shows up:

Turning an open-ended question into a multiple-choice trap.

Stacking two questions at once.

A single well-placed question, followed by silence, has more impact than any long-winded explanation. Give the other person space to think.

Apply SPIN Selling Techniques

One of the best ways to structure question-led influencing is through SPIN Selling. Initially designed for sales, this framework is just as effective when you need to guide someone toward a decision without telling them what to do.

The SPIN Process includes:

Situation: Establish context by understanding their current state.

Problem: Identify pain points or challenges.

Implication: Get them to consider the consequences of inaction.

Need-Payoff: Help them define the benefits of change.

Leveraging the SPIN process can help the other person realize why they need a different solution on their own, making them far more likely to buy into the change.

A Word of Caution

There are times when question-led influence can backfire.

You shouldn’t use questions to influence without being willing to listen and adapt based on what you learn from others. Don’t go into the conversation with a final, pre-set answer. Asking leading or manipulative questions will lead to mistrust. You aren’t trying to back someone into a corner or wilfully manipulate them. You’re trying to help them come to their own conclusions.

Final Takeaway

The best influencers don’t push harder. They pull smarter.

This week, don’t explain. Don’t push. Try asking better questions and see what happens.

Until next time,

Winston

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